Recently, I have decided that single is something that I am not only enjoying but welcoming. If the few that read this really know me you will realize what a bizarre statement this is. For as long as I can remember all I have wanted to do was get married and have babies. So, naturally, after my divorce was final I was off on the hunt again. I didn't think I could be happy unless I was married and having babies.I have been back in Kentucky for 13 months and not one date. Not even a hint of a date. Then I started to think. I was married and it sucked! Why as I so eager to do it again? And I have my baby! She is my angel and I should just be happy to have her in my life. There are thousands of women out there who don't get the chance to be married or have a little angel in their life. Is it really fair for me to go out looking for another shot when they have yet to get theirs?
So I was sharing this revelation with my mom this evening. Aiden was in the room and I didn't think anything of it. Suddenly she stops me and says "But Mommy, I want a Daddy." Geesh! What do you say to that? I am still trying to process it. Such a bold statement for a 5 year old. How is it possible that she has faith in my choosing a daddy for her after I have failed (miserably) not once but twice? How, in such a short time, is she able to want a daddy after being treated so horribly by the previous one?
Now I sit here pondering life once more. I am fully aware that if things are meant to happen they will happen. I also know that Heavenly Father has a plan for Aiden and I, and that it is his own schedule not mine. I know I am still very young and have plenty of time to meet someone and have a bushel of babies. People make me painfully aware of these things anytime I try to make a plan for my life. Yet, sometimes, these things just aren't a comfort at all.
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1 comment:
Jessie,
I have thought a lot about the post that you wrote. I was not even looking to date anyone after I found out that I was pregnant with Addi. I went to church with my Aunt and Uncle and there was Cody ready to walk into my life (I don't really think that I was ready but as you know everything worked out). Last Thursday we were all able to go to court and Cody adopted Addi. Yay! We are now just choosing a date and a place to be sealed. I thought that day would never come. Just be patient and one day you will have someone walk in your life that is perfect for you and Aiden
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