I am not sure if I should even blog about this because I don't remember who reads this. But today I found out that I was accused of being a bad mother. First it was just that I was super controlling. Then it was that I "let my daughter say whatever she wants." Then I think it was just rounded out to being a bad mother.
Maybe I should explain a little bit more of what is going on. For 3 weeks in the summer, Aiden goes to Kentucky to spend time with the family we have out there. She looks forward to this for months before hand. Usually between Papa, Mom and Megean they don't need to get a sitter to watch her. But this year Papa was spending a fews days with some of his family so Mom found a sitter for her while Mom was at work. We know this particular sitter through our ward in Kentucky and mom and her mother have been good friends for many years.
Megean went to pick up Aiden so she could spend a few days with her and take her to the Fourth of July celebration they have in Richmond. During that time, Megean found out that Aiden had called the sitter a "watermelon head" and that is what led them to think I let her say anything she wants. I also sent along a schedule and a little sheet with some foods that she likes and some snacks. Mom thought it would be a good idea to have those so Aiden had consistancy. Because I made the schedule, I have SO much time on my hands and I am a controlling mother.
I am not saying my daughter is perfect. I am not saying I am perfect but I have tried very hard to be a good mother and raise a daughter that is a good girl. I know she has an attitude (she gets that from me) and that she is far to chatty in Primary (sorry to all her teachers) but - SHE IS 3 YEARS OLD!! They also told Megean that Aiden was a big bully. Anyone that knows Aiden knows that she is far to shy to be a bully.
Everywhere I go people tell me what a good girl she is. All the sitters say she is a good girl. Yes, sometimes she needs timeouts and sometimes she needs to be reminded to speak kind words but that is what growing up is. If kids didn't need to learn these things than we would send them out into the world when they were potty trained. Maybe I am taking this too personally but I just feel like I have been attacked on such a personal part of my life that I don't know what to think.
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5 comments:
{{{HUGS}}} You are an awesome mother Jessie!! I think you are doing (and have done) a wonderful job with Aiden. I wish Gavyn behaved as well as she does. Writing a schedule out to make sure your daughter has some consistency with being away from home does not make you controlling; it makes you a good mother.
Your daughter is brilliant, polite, happy and well cared for (and gorgeous!) that all proves you are a great mom!
Kids don't mean things such as the "watermelon head" to be spiteful. They just don't have filters like adults do; they say what they think or see.
Keep doing what you're doing and don't let anyone get you down!! {{{HUGS}}}
What a "watermelon head" for trying to say that YOU are a bad mom. They obviously don't know what they are talking about! And how is a child supposed to learn if not from trial and error, why shouldn't she be allowed to talk, and then if she does say something bad, then she gets a lesson on good words v. bad words. I am calling them a watermelon head from a 29 year old's perspective (cause that is very filtered down from the list of words I initially thought up) and not an almost 4 year old's perspective (which is just a silly thing to say that would have made her giggle if they had said, "No, YOU are a watermelon head" or named another "food"head). Let's entertain the idea that for some fictitious reason, Aiden might might have said it while she was upset, aren't they glad you don't teach her the four letter french words (cause at this age, they learn by example, so we know you are not around her swearing up a storm, and she doesn't hear it at my house either.) Will I be in trouble with her when she gets back if I tease her about being a watermelon head? What if we are eating it? And learning about how you are what you eat? Then will it be ok? I remember the time I stuck my tounge out at her (ruined forever, that game is...*sigh*). And the list of schedule, and snacks she likes, is a great idea, otherwise the little princess would be grouchy (with out the right amount of sleep or food in her belly when she needs it.... And with her allergies, it is extremely helpful to have that list of snacks she does like, otherwise it makes it harder to think of one that is safe, not that it is hard, but it does help people focus on what she CAN have and not what she CAN'T have. Besides your mom liked that you sent the list, and she has yet to give me the impression that she is controlling. And how on earth does having a schedule for a 4 year old give you time on your hands, all it does is help you know where and what you should be doing. Btw, when was the last time you had to just sit around all day? I don't remember you having one either. You have my permission (not that you aren't an adult or that you even need my permission, consider it more as support) to let that insult roll off your back. I am curious what she could have possibly done to make them think she was a bully, especially with people she is not around all the time. I know she likes to be in charge, but she has never bullied me/us and chills out relatively well when we let her know that she is not in charge at that time and to let us know when she is ready to play again.
I am sorry for such a long comment, but you did not deserve someone saying that about you. Now I am scared, cause if keeping consistency is a bad thing, I can only imagine what people will think of me and my parenting habits, what with all of my ocdness (no that is not an announcement guys)....
First off, no three-year-old can should be held accountable for repeating something they heard an adult say. If we don't want something we say repeated, we have to remember the "little ears." Can't blame you for that one at all (and I agree with Marcia that Aiden probably didn't even realize that "watermelon head" could be offensive.
Second, while I don't have kids, I have noticed (and been told by many parents) that children - especially smart children - THRIVE on schedules and consistency. I don't know many three-year-olds who could handle being away from mommy for three weeks, and I think it's a sign of good parenting that you've prepared for that - including things like having a reliable schedule.
I don't want to go on a rant about the "problem with parents today," especially since it would be hypocritical, but I think you're doing a fine job, and anyone who thinks otherwise just doesn't get it.
Thanks everyone for your support. I have calmed down alot in the days since the post but it is wonderful to hear the words of encouragment. Ronda, I think Gavyn is well behaved. He is still a year younger than Aiden and he is also a boy so he naturally has more energy. Good thing you followed up wit 3 girls. Haha! thanks again!
Jessie, don't listen to all those people who criticize you. I think you are a really good mother. Aiden is such a good little girl. She has such a sweet little voice. I love to watch her and listen to all of her stories. She .
is such a cute, precious girl. People have to remember she is only 3 and she is a kid. She needs to be a kid when she is a kid. Keep up the good work
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